I have been thinking a lot on this subject, observing myself and others, and changing myself, or more like inviting God and allowing Him to change me.... I have been wanting to write on this awhile ago and finally came the time after I read two verses and all the points culminated together in these verses:
"His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men."
- Matthew 28:3-4When God's presence, light, love, and awe come in complete literal, physical and visual form - most of us cannot handle it... most of us cannot receive it!! His light is blinding, it's so loving - and when real LOVE comes, most seldom can receive it... most reject it. This is who God is. This shows how far we are from knowing God's love, how far we are being capable of receiving it, and how little real love we desire. Some will say, she's too nice, he's too nice, just love, love, sweetie, honey, and some will say it's all emotions .... it makes some people angry...let me tell ya folks, this is who God is... when He shows up into our hearts it's almost uncomfortable at first, it's too much, it melts us.. and if it's too much for you and it makes you feel weak and you feel like you're melted but you want to not feel weak, that means YOU'VE got a lot of pride to let go. The only time LOVE can be too much for one, is when they're full of pride, when they want to rely on their own power. People want to be wanted because they want to do something with their might and feel satisfaction and honor because they did something. But, God wants us to rely completely on Him, He wants to be wanted. So when His love fills you up and you feel weak and like you're not capable of anything, you feel like a child, and like the most vulnerable thing- STAY THERE, that's where real life is and freedom is, that's where safety is!!!! That's were paradise is! Being that gentle, soft, easily breakable thing in Jesus' arms like my little niece in her father's hands in the picture above. That's where I also want to be!! In Jesus' hands!
I've noticed that most people are embarrassed to receive love... they are embarrassed to be vulnerable, why? Because for some reason one thinks it's a weakness ... God forbid someone sees your weakness because you allowed to be helped, to be loved... Lord have mercy! How I wish people were that embarrassed to be angry, to be negative, to be embarrassed to sin. Can you imagine the world we would have? It would be a lot more similar to God's original dream.
We all want to be saviors to someone and do something, but seldom want to receive it... leave the savior business to the actual Savior who's name is Jesus!! You can be His instrument to salvation but you could never be the actual savior ... it's time you allow God to fully love you, you allow to be loved by Him and the ones He puts around you. It's time to feel weak ...!!!!! Yet strong, because then you're the most powerful one when bathing in His love, living in it, and by it!! It's time to say to others and to receive when others say sweet words to you, hug you, love you, it's time to stop being a hero, it's time to be a vulnerable, humble child!! That's where real paradise is. Jesus did say, unless you become like a child you could never enter the kingdom of God. Why?!
"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Mathew 18:3
WHY?! Your answer is above. Children receive love very easily, that's all they ever desire! In the loving environment they grow and mature healthily, peacefully, and always want to be cuddled, loved, and to be helped! This is what Jesus was trying and still is to tell us!!! That was His entire mission on this earth is to get this across. Children love easily, let go easily, forgive easily because they haven't exercised their PRIDE.
Challenge yourself today.... not worth withholding love and not receiving it because you're a business man or a professional who has to stay "Strong." Or you are just TOUGH. You will only live with regret!!!
Let me tell you, I've come aloooong way! When I finally started allowing to be loved by God, my pride is slowly chipping away and more and more love is filling my heart. I'm not embarrassed to give or to receive love now. I love the fact that I feel like a child, helpless, weak when I'm loved. I love it that I'm not embarrassed to show my vulnerability. I think that's one of the most beautiful and attractive things about any human. That's whem we see the real human, the core of their heart not trying to hide behind prideful walls. I finally want to be helped, and loved. I praise God for that!!!
Don't reject His love and those around you who want to shower you with love because they have so much of it that they'll explode otherwise if they don't share ... (Warming: that's what God's love does.)
We all speak of love.... maybe we know how to give it "most of the time" or more like "sometimes" but we sure do not know how to receive it ... (but pride does not allow us to give love fully or to receive it... so if you want to play this love game... pride has to go out the door... it's not welcome in the game, it only helps you loose the game)
In order to have, receive and give complete love, pride has to be completely absent, vacant, non existent.
Allow Jesus to wash your feet!!!I was talking about this with a friend... why did Peter say, absolutely not! Never!! Jesus, are you kidding me??!! You washing my feet, cannot happen, ever, I can't allow that... why did Peter say that?!
“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”- John 13:8
Peter had pride, big pride... even putting yourself down is a form of pride!! Aha! Yes, it is. (And all these years you speaking negatively to yourself and about yourself to others you thought you were being humble.... hmm, absolutely not!! Ya were just strengthening your pride more and more and shoving love out the door. Praising yourself and boasting about your might and lowering yourself are equally the same and harmful PRIDE.) Peter couldn't have allowed JESUS, of all people to kneel down and wash his feet. He wasn't able to become a helpless child, he couldn't allow to be so weak for Jesus to have to wash his feet... Jesus said you can't have a part with me... you cannot feast with me, you cannot then have my blood have power over you, you cannot sit at the same table with me unless I wash your feet!! Unless you allow me to love you!!!! Unless you fully become vulnerable, weak, desire to be loved and helped, and unless you fully receive my love, you cannot have part with me!!!
Can you imagine this picture? Picture a president, or I don't know, someone really big in your life that is a celebrity to you.... coming to you wanting to wash your feet...to feed you, to hold you, do laundry for you. You are an adult but would be treated as a child would. How do you feel right now imagining this scenario? I bet you feel embarrassed, like a fool... and annoyed. Right? Shunning away and feeling very uncomfortable. Or, I don't deserve this. I mean come on, why would you kneel down to me. Who am I. I am nothing. You feel weak. Eh?! But you do not want to feel weak... I am so not up to your level, you cannot wash my feet. I am much lower than you, you cannot just treat me well and love me. Because, I can do this myself. I don't need help. Well, this signifies PRIDE. Many people have a hard time seeing how lowering oneself is the same form of pride as raising oneself.
So, what will you choose? Pride or LOVE? Being a mature adult walking by own might or helpless child in Jesus' arms?
You guys this is serious stuff.... I invite you to think about it.... I think this is the biggest problem in the world, in our lives, and in the lives of "Christians." Because of pride, we are not able to receive Christ's love completely and understand who He really is. We are too knowledgeable for our own good. But scripture says that to know THIS LOVE, God's love, really know it, that means feel it, receive it and live by it, it says, this LOVE SURPASSES knowledge. (Ephesians 3:19) That means it shouldn't even make sense by our adult standards. And unless you are a child you will understand that it surpasses all knowledge. It means you literally need to be a fool.. you will feel like one. (1st Corinthians 4:10) You will be a fool to the world. A fool for Jesus. That's what I want to be. TO HIM I will look like a child who wants to be loved.
We are all so professional living in these PROPER walls we have established... and the world will teach you to look out for yourself and to teach everyone to treat you PROFESSIONALLY, and respectfully, and honorably...it won't teach you to put the other cheek if you got hit, like Jesus, it will teach you to hit back, with what???!! More hate and negativity and pride because you need to teach them a lesson?! Hitting back with love won't ever make sense to the human mind... logically it doesn't make sense because you will be treated the same again. NO! I beg to differ. This is why people don't trust love. They haven't tried it and try to teach their own "logic" lessons. A time would come and you would see the fruit of it, that is if you endured and proved your love. But, of course, it's easier to hit back with hate. You know why? Because to hit back with love, ya going to need to break your pride.. that's tough, but oh how good it is to hit back with love, because you edify yourself with love. It builds you up, it doesn't destroy you when hate comes out. Jesus says that "What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them." Mathew 15:11 So, when you hit back with hate you hurt others and YOURSELF, it defiles you. Same way, if you hit back with love, it builds you up, it edifies you, it heals you, it restores you and others. You will always win if you simply receive Jesus' love and be filled to the measure of the fullness of GOD (Ephesians 3), act by this love and you will be the biggest HERO and the only kind of HERO that will matter now and eternally. Your biggest weapon should be LOVE. But you cannot use it unless you receive it, allow God to train you and TRY you, and then you go to the field with only this weapon that surpasses all knowledge. You have to crack the egg first to see what comes out from the inside even if it's beautiful from the outside. Well, that's what you should beg God to do, ask Him to crack you, to break you to really see if your yoke bleeds love or hate when it hurts and matters to you the most.
God's love won't ever make sense logically. Take the knowledge and logic out and then you can receive it. Just like a child. Look at that beautiful Lilian in my brother's arms, what knowledge and logic she has??? The only logic she has and knows in his arms is LOVE.
with love,
antonina Chicago airport. August 8, 2017
