The other day I was getting worried more and more about some areas in my life and how this will be, and how that will be.... I know that the spirit of worries (which gives birth to fear) is not from the Lord so I go and speak to Him immediately to get rid of it and to hear what does He want to tell me instead. 2 Timothy 1:7 "But God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
I started praying and glorifying God!! The divine peace that is usually in my heart but wasn't complete because of my worry was starting to return but it wasn't all complete yet... it's like in my heart I know what it feels like, what it makes me feel, how happy it makes me feel, and there was still a small percentage that I was still missing.. So, I said, God, I will now try to hear you through your WORD, please show me, guide me, answer me, or encourage me of how to wait for your answer. I open up my bible app and it says:
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”
Matthew 24:35 NIV
I right away had that connection in my heart that God is speaking to me. It's this thing inside you that is a Spiritual and a physical feeling and you know when God answers you for the specific question you have been praying about or thinking of. It's like the puzzles come together and provide harmony. It's a feeling of completeness and silent mutual understanding. It's this thing that feels so right 100% and there is no swaying of even 1%. It's difficult to describe but if you search the Lord on a daily basis and you ask and receive, you will know exactly what I'm talking about.
So, through this scripture God underlined to me, my dear one, what I promised and what I said, my words will never pass away, they will be true, they will be a reality!!! Then I started remembering what God showed me through scripture a few days prior to this:
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8 NIV God said to me, if your confidence is completely in me, your faith is completely fixed on me, you will be that tree. No matter what you think you need, I will provide!! You will always produce fruit and stand strong and nothing will stumble you!!! These words went so deep in my heart and I believe them whole heartedly because I have experienced it and I again put my trust in Him for future things I'm asking about.
But then again, I am like God, what I'm asking for, I need it in just a few weeks, doesn't seem possible to happen. And God says to me:
“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”
Matthew 24:36 NIV This underlined to me, just trust me, you don't know and don't need to know when I will do something!!! Just trust me!! When you are with me by my right side, I provide everything, I am faithful!!
And God continued to say:
Now, if I continue to give all of me to God, all my time, all my money, all my gifts & talents, EVERYTHING, ALL OF ME, if and when I surrender to Him, He will provide that you won't even know what to do with it!!!! If He is the reason I am on this planet.... friends, then the coin flips for completely different results of how you live your life and what happens in your life.
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD ALMIGHTY, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be enough room to store it." Malachi 3:10 NIV This to me was unbelievable...He says, if you don't believe me, "JUST TEST ME!" this is not talking just about money... I asked the Lord, tell me what does this mean to me personally, how can I fulfill this and understand this and assume it, into my life? God showed me that everything I have is his. All of me! My body, my TIME, my money, my talents, my wisdom, my love, EVERYTHING HE GAVE ME!!! The biggest thing He was pointing out to me was TIME!!! It is HIS!! How much time do you give HIM?? This is not talking about church time!! This is TIME with HIM in thought, prayer, word, and EVEN FELLOWSHIP with friends, or strangers... and, He showed me, if you do everything for me and in my name, EVERYTHING, sleep, eat, walk, sing, speak, think, don't worry, I will provide!! IF your eyes, are constantly fixed on me and you consult me regarding everything in your life, all of the above promises you don't have to worry, I WILL DELIVER! I AM GOD, MY WORDS WILL NEVER PASS.
Another thing God was showing me is how to share even when I don't have much financial stability at the moment. Those who know me, I like to eat healthy and I purchase healthy things because I love them. I love to make my food look beautiful because I like beauty in everything. So, lately, the Lord also showed me, share. (I live in a communal space.) Lord filled me with so much love that it wasn't possible not to share. I wanted to share because I wanted someone else to experience what I love so much!! (I was even surprised at myself.... but then I realized, when you surrender to the Lord, you do things without even planning and then you look back and think, hmm, wow, how did I do that or decide to do that.) It edified me so much because so many others were happy and I was able to share my love through what I love. It also provided such an incredible time of fellowship! And, that my friends, worships the LORD!
but.... in order for God's words to be a REALITY in my life, I have to allow HIM by believing HIM. That is the only requirement of me otherwise, I limit God and He wants to but cannot when I do not let HIM, when I take a detour, when I don't believe, when I take my own mighty route, when I leave His umbrella, his shield: (unbelief is a sin...a whole other topic for later)
BELIEVE IN FAITH. STAND IN FAITH. And is one sermon last week I heard at TIMES SQUARE CHURCH "Exchange your doubts for God's promises." SO, I understand, that sometimes I have to repeat that daily and be reminded because the devil will say, look, you will just not make it. You need to do something, you need to go and do something with your might.... well, my friends, don't believe that voice, wait upon the LORD!! Ask HIM to guide you daily!! Lord, what do I need to do today! What do I need to focus on today! Send me the right people, put me in the right place and time. Guide me. His HOLY SPIRIT will guide you and give you thoughts and intuition of where to go, what to do. You will think, oh I just got this idea to do this and this happened, well if you are in tune with God, it is His Spirit who puts those ideas on your mind and heart.
BELIEVE!! Persevere!! Do not relent! Hold on to God, do not let HIM GO. YOU WILL STRIVE 100% in all the areas of your life. HIs table is big and anyone can come freely to... but often, we don't want to take what's free. I guess the only thing God ask for in exchange, is our sin and our doubts. Now, that can be hard to let go of, but if you imagine and believe what He is giving you in exchange, it will be easy to let go, and throw all that garbage away that only brings pain.
I know, if you are reading this and you are not a believer or have been struggling, it might sound like a bunch of made up stuff, delirious, crazy, living in a bubble..... but again, all I can say is what's in my heart, what's true, what I have lived through and saw myself... it is lasting, it is real, it's not just in my head.... just try it yourself. Humble yourself so you can witness if this GOD is true. IT is the only thing that will remain true forever.
with all my love,
antonina
